Nick Barnum glanced up from his computer screen as he became aware that Janet was standing over him. He looked up at her, his eyes squinting with curiosity.
“Yes?”
She pursed her lips and looked around the office as if she was looking for some sort of starting point. She moved closer to him and asked in a lowered voice. “Tell me Nick, how did it go this morning?”
“Good,” he replied, as he tried to go back to surfing on the world wide web.
She steamed.
He ignored her.
“Don’t you give me no one word answer, and then ignore me,” she half shouted. “That is just rude!”
“You want me to give you a written speech, maybe bust into a scene and read off of a Shakespearean soliloquy?” He asked after a moment of watching her steam.
“Not particularly,” she replied. “I just asked you a damn simple question and you go all out not to give me a decent answer. You give me a one word reply, and push me on my way like I’m some sort of little school girl!”
Nick smiled.
“Don’t smile at me!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” she said as she tried to regain her composure. “I’ll ask you again. Hold the one word answers, and tell me. How did it go this morning?”
Nick laughed.
“It’s not funny.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right.”
“You’re damn right, I’m right!”
“You know,” Nick chose his words carefully. “Sometimes, and I know you’re trying to be part of a team. It feels good when you want to know how a case is going, or how my day is progressing. I like that in a secretary. It makes me feel good.”
She just stared.
“I just want you to know that I appreciate it, Janet.”
“Kiss my ass!”
Nick smiled and went back to his computer.
“Don’t do it, Nick.”
“Do what?”
“Ignore me again!”
“Aren’t we done?”
“We’re going to be done when I force my size six up your ass!”
“You know, that’s just disgusting.”
She laughed.
Nick laughed.
“Well?”
“Oh, okay.”
She growled.
“Twenty-two minutes, standing around on North and Madison. I didn’t even get one bite. It just seemed that no one wanted to hire me.”
She looked confused.
“What?”
“Not for nothing, Nick,” she started. “But if I were a contractor, and I saw a big able body like you standing out there looking to work for ten bucks an hour. I’d choose you over any of those small Mexicans, or whatever.”
He nodded.
“I don’t understand.”
“Go figure.”
“Get up,” she demanded.
His eyes flickered with confusion, wondering what his secretary had in mind. “What?”
“Just do it.”
He did.
“Okay, sit back down.”
“What was that for?”
“I was just wondering if you went out dressed like a cop.”
“You could of noticed that from me being in a seated position. There was no need for dramatics,” he said as he sat back down. “Now you’re just being ridiculous. It was just one of those days. Something no one can control. So lets just leave it at that.”
“I just wanted to see what contractors were looking at,” she explained. “It’s difficult to see it when you’re crouched over a computer like a man surfing for porn.”
Nick smiled.
“I just don’t get it,” she said.
“There’s tomorrow morning,” he said trying to dismiss her gingerly. “Don’t you have work to do?”
She nodded still wondering.
“Go to it.”
She nodded and slowly turned around.
“Close the door on your way out.”
She stopped.
“Oh shit,” Nick whispered.
“Unless...”
Don’t say what... Ran through Nick’s mind.
“No, I can’t believe that,” she said. “In fact, I won’t believe that. Not from a professional. Not from the great Nick PT Barnum.”
Nick did not say a word.
“Oh my god!”
Here it comes... “What?”
“You showed up late!”
“What are you talking about?”
“What time did you get there?”
“Six...”
“Nick?”
“Maybe seven..”
“Nick?”
“Could have been eight...”
“Oh my god!”
“Okay, I slept in late!”
“How the hell are you going to progress on a case if your fat ass is always sleeping in late?” she shouted. “I want you out there at five in the morning! Do you hear me?”
Nick nodded.
“I don’t want any excuse from you,” she continued. “You be out there at five! And you better not disappoint me!”
Nick released a thunderous laugh.
Janet did the same.
“You understand why, right?”
She nodded, but she couldn’t contain her laughter.
“You’re my pimp,” he added.
She almost crawled on his desk still in laughter as tears poured out of her eyes.
Nick couldn’t contain his laughter as he pulled away from his desk and started coughing heavily.
“Don’t... die... on.. your pimp,” she mustered out. “You have to be.....”
Nick continued laughing and coughing.
Janet fell to the floor.
Nick laughed some more.
Then coughed.
Then laughed.
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